life is fun… love is great… everything is amazing… hopefully all working out for my good this time…
data entry caught my eye a while back as a job i wouldn’t mind doing. i looked for a legit job for it, and clear out of the blue, a guy i met online a while ago and i were talking and he mentioned needing someone to do data entry for him. he didn’t ask for my resume, he knows i have no experience, and he hired me. i know the company is legit… but is he? Yeah, i’m a little nervous… but just a little.
now i’m sitting here blogging watching the storm come in… listening to the rain fall through my open window… it’s beautiful… i wanna go play in the rain… in the storm… there’s just something about a storm that can be so scary, so beautiful, and so soothing… God is amazing. Wow. It sounds like it’s falling in my room… or that I’m out in it. So crazy… so lovely. I’m drawn to it… the sound of the rain… listening to manheim steamroller, and just letting it flow over me… finally drawing me into a sleepy stage…
oh! update on the book before i go into lull stage lol…
out of 12 pages (and starting on page 12 from the bottom), I have copied and pasted 3 complete pages… I’m not sure how many poems are on each page, but it’s quite a few, and I actually have to mess with each poem as I paste them, so yeah… I’m doing pretty good.
Back to the storm…
Or maybe I’ll just go to bed……
The Zzzzzzz Wolf -.-
*Holds Head In Hands*
Sep 24-08
Who can we trust if not God? God puts people in our life for a reason; does that not include animals? Does that not include spirits of sorts?
According to the Bible, if God gives us an angel, it will appear as man. But why is this? Why do spirits show up and protect us if they are not from God but from Satan? Because obviously, if something is not from God, it is from Satan, correct?
And how do I know for sure he is not me? My other side? My masculine, warrior side? Who is this wolf, and why is he with me? If he means me no harm, why can’t I keep him? If I call him my pet, does that make it better? He is family to me! I don’t want to get rid of him, yet I have been told that I should. But why?
James made a good point, though. If I’m allowing this wolf to protect me, am I truly puting my trust in God? And I mean ALL of it… He has acted so nice, and maybe if this wolf is nice and good, he will leave with no anger… Right? But I don’t want him to leave… He’s been with me for 5 years. I like him…
People, I know not what to do! I am at a loss, and I don’t know where to turn… I turn to God, but I still am unsure. I think I know what is right, but it hurts… Why does the right thing always have to hurt???
I’m tired of pain!
The Z Wolf.
Happiness!
Sep 24-08
So I finally got some things off of my chest… My step dad and I aren’t the best of friends, but I still love him and think of him as an awesome father figure; he raised me!
So we had a conversation that I saved and never want to lose, so I’m posting it here for all the world to see. I know you don’t exactly have all of the neccessary background info on this, but you might be able to gather a little bit.
Session Start (mrngs1nshn:lil79red): Sun Sep 21 19:38:59 2008
[19:39] Mrngs1nshn: how’s life?
[19:39] lil79red: fine. how about for you?
[19:39] Mrngs1nshn: oh not too bad
[19:39] Mrngs1nshn: what’s everyone up to?
[19:40] lil79red: your mom and gabrielle are still in stockton and me and michaela are here just hanging out.
[19:41] Mrngs1nshn: oh that’s fun… mickey can be sweet lol.. can be… by the way, nice display pic
[19:41] lil79red: michaela is recoping alright from a crash today.
[19:41] Mrngs1nshn: a crash???
[19:42] lil79red: yea, we were out for a bike ride today and she got going to fast down a hill and took a spill.
[19:42] Mrngs1nshn: how bad was she hurt
[19:43] lil79red: scraped the back of her hands, arms and her knees. but other than that she is alright. she rode the bike back home.
[19:43] Mrngs1nshn: oh that’s good. where did she ride it to?
[19:43] lil79red: blood wasn’t dripping from her knee to badly
[19:43] Mrngs1nshn: eew
[19:44] Mrngs1nshn: blood
[19:44] Mrngs1nshn: she’s a pretty tough gal though
[19:44] lil79red: we were heading toward the allens road but crashed at the bottom of the hill just past the cemetary
[19:45] lil79red: she didn’t cry any!
[19:45] Mrngs1nshn: aww you rode with her?
[19:45] Mrngs1nshn: that’s sweet
[19:45] lil79red: sure. we have been to the cemetary several times.
[19:45] lil79red: decided to go further today.
[19:46] Mrngs1nshn: oh that’s cool… i’m not surprised that she didn’t cry
[19:46] lil79red: guess we shouldn’t have.
[19:46] Mrngs1nshn: that’s a pretty steep hill
[19:47] lil79red: have you looked for a new coat for the winter yet?
[19:47] lil79red: it will be here before you know it
[19:47] Mrngs1nshn: no… been using my boyfriend’s for now
[19:47] lil79red: do you have your old one with you
[19:47] Mrngs1nshn: tell michaela i said hi
[19:47] Mrngs1nshn: no i don’t
[19:48] lil79red: the gals got new homes for shelby and spice yesterday in springfield
[19:48] Mrngs1nshn: coolio! what did you do? go to walgreens?
[19:49] lil79red: they did. I stayed home and worked on mowing and building.
[19:49] Mrngs1nshn: building?
[19:49] lil79red: the addition.
[19:49] Mrngs1nshn: oh cool how far have you gotten?
[19:49] lil79red: helped my dad work on shutting down the pool yesterday morning
[19:50] lil79red: almost all off the blocks are laid
[19:50] Mrngs1nshn: cool… i’m so homesick
[19:50] lil79red: got around 100 to go
[19:50] Mrngs1nshn: can’t wait to see it
[19:50] lil79red: how is school lofe
[19:50] Mrngs1nshn: oh it’s school lol… it’s a lot harder than moville
[19:51] lil79red: I’ll try and send a pic sometime
[19:51] Mrngs1nshn: that would be cool
[19:51] lil79red: not surprised. it is another notch higher
[19:52] Mrngs1nshn: the wall? how many layers of it do you have now?
[19:52] lil79red: about 7 feet high
[19:52] Mrngs1nshn: cool
[19:53] Mrngs1nshn: how many feet is it supposed to be?
[19:53] lil79red: did you know the jetts from morrisville school?
[19:53] Mrngs1nshn: jetts….
[19:53] lil79red: elementary
[19:53] Mrngs1nshn: don’t think so
[19:53] Mrngs1nshn: why
[19:54] lil79red: their dad was killed a week ago outside of bolivar
[19:54] Mrngs1nshn: oh no
[19:54] Mrngs1nshn: killed by?
[19:54] lil79red: I think there was two or three kids.
[19:54] Mrngs1nshn: ouch
[19:55] lil79red: he was going around a curve on his cycle and crossed the center line and hit a car
[19:55] Mrngs1nshn: oh i c
[19:55] Mrngs1nshn: you never said how many feet the wall is supposed to be
[19:55] lil79red: his name was scott jett. they lived on bb across from were farm road 115 met bb
[19:56] Mrngs1nshn: hmm no i don’t know the jetts, but that really sucks
[19:56] lil79red: i hayed for them several years ago
[19:56] lil79red: feet tall or long?
[19:56] Mrngs1nshn: whatever measurement the 7 belongs to
[19:56] Mrngs1nshn: height i’m guessing
[19:57] lil79red: shooting for about 7′ 6″ tall from the floor
[19:57] Mrngs1nshn: oh neato.. then whatcha gotta do?
[19:58] lil79red: put boards across to laying the flooring on then frame up walls and roof and finish the inside then move furniture in.
[19:58] lil79red: not too much. LOL
[19:58] Mrngs1nshn: sweet
[19:59] Mrngs1nshn: wish i could help a lil bit… school is kinda boring lol
[19:59] lil79red: alot more climate controlled though
[20:00] Mrngs1nshn: ha!
[20:00] Mrngs1nshn: not really lol… NE weather is worse than MO weather
[20:01] lil79red: inside it is though. you do have classes inside don’t you?
[20:02] Mrngs1nshn: lol of course, but i have to walk across campus half the time
[20:02] Mrngs1nshn: every day
[20:02] lil79red: snd how far is that?
[20:02] Mrngs1nshn: takes about 8 minutes or so walking
[20:03] lil79red: you don’t bike it?
[20:03] Mrngs1nshn: no takes about that much time to go to my bike and unlock it
[20:05] lil79red: to bad. dad was glad to hear from you. send him emails every now and then. they enjoy here about life. good or bad.
[20:05] Mrngs1nshn: lol ok i will have to do that once in a while
[20:05] Mrngs1nshn: and it’s good to talk to you as well
[20:06] lil79red: same here.
[20:06] Mrngs1nshn: glad things are going well with the house
[20:06] lil79red: I don’t get on much here at home. I do more during lunch at work.
[20:07] Mrngs1nshn: what time is lunch
[20:07] lil79red: I hope I can keep on plugging away at it. Usually from 12:00 to 12:30
[20:08] Mrngs1nshn: hope the weather keeps this up… it’s been so nice i get restless lol
[20:08] lil79red: it’s been nice here the past couple of weeks too
[20:08] Mrngs1nshn: yeah i hate the cold 
[20:09] lil79red: 50’s at night upper 70’s during the day
[20:09] lil79red: I haven’t gotten any wood yet. hope the winter isn’t too cold
[20:09] Mrngs1nshn: yeah… i used to have class at 7:30am and didn’t know the shortcut so i had to walk in the cool
[20:09] Mrngs1nshn: cold*
[20:10] lil79red: what is cold there?
[20:10] Mrngs1nshn: it will probly be a harsh winter… everything is cold… they haven’t turned on the radiators yet
[20:11] Mrngs1nshn: it’ll be colder in my room than outside sometimes, and i don’t have a/c
[20:11] lil79red: will they let you use the electric radiator heater you have?
[20:12] Mrngs1nshn: i don’t have an electric; left them all at home, but i’m sure they would.. just no fire… i use my electric blanket
[20:13] lil79red: you can get it when you make it back this direction
[20:13] Mrngs1nshn: christmas!
[20:14] Mrngs1nshn: for sure
[20:14] lil79red: maybe when they turn on the radiators it will be warm in the room.
[20:14] Mrngs1nshn: yup can’t wait
[20:15] lil79red: probably will be in december when they do. haha
[20:15] Mrngs1nshn: yeah when they know it will always be cold
[20:15] Mrngs1nshn: bleh
[20:15] lil79red: you got boots for the winter?
[20:16] Mrngs1nshn: yeah actually i do 
[20:16] lil79red: that will help if they are warm.
[20:16] Mrngs1nshn: yep
[20:17] Mrngs1nshn: what about the girls? are they ready for the winter?
[20:18] lil79red: as ready as they ever are. not sure if their coats fit them or not. they will have to try them on. they have grown some since last winter
[20:19] Mrngs1nshn: so i hear
[20:19] Mrngs1nshn: i hear gabby’s up to kevin’s chin
[20:19] Mrngs1nshn: or was it nose…
[20:20] lil79red: i don’t know anything about that.
[20:20] Mrngs1nshn: anyway, point is.. she’s probly almost as tall as me; she keeps growing, she’ll be taller than me
[20:20] lil79red: they have a dance in october
[20:20] Mrngs1nshn: really… how is Anthony?
[20:21] Mrngs1nshn: Mom was talking about his family issues, and Sasha said that Gabby said he was over there practically every day
[20:21] lil79red: pretty good. still comes over whenever i will get him. i have been picking him up on wednesday on my way home from work
[20:22] Mrngs1nshn: that’s good
[20:22] Mrngs1nshn: you’re good for him, you know?
[20:22] lil79red: he don’t come over as much during the week though
[20:22] Mrngs1nshn: m
[20:22] lil79red: don’t know about that.
[20:23] Mrngs1nshn: nah.. you are.. he needs a father figure, and he really looks up to you
[20:23] lil79red: it’s good that his dad is home all the time now
[20:23] Mrngs1nshn: yeah that’s good, but you’re still a good one
[20:23] Mrngs1nshn: father figure
[20:23] lil79red: and his stepmom is gone
[20:23] Mrngs1nshn: that’s a good thing, right?
[20:24] lil79red: i think so. she cussed all the time at him and stephan
[20:24] Mrngs1nshn: yeah….
[20:24] Mrngs1nshn: that’s not good
[20:24] Mrngs1nshn: so do ya miss me???
[20:25] lil79red: have you been gone or something? haha.
[20:25] Mrngs1nshn:
[20:25] lil79red: sure we miss you. michaela said hi by the way
[20:26] Mrngs1nshn: i said hi
[20:26] lil79red: have you talked to your mom tonight?
[20:26] Mrngs1nshn: i miss food lol
[20:26] Mrngs1nshn: and yes i have
[20:27] Mrngs1nshn: earlier today
[20:27] lil79red: did she say when they were coming home. gabrielle has school tomorrow.
[20:27] lil79red: i hope it isn’t 11:00 when they get home
[20:27] Mrngs1nshn: i’ll text her
[20:30] lil79red: what kind of food are you missing?
[20:30] Mrngs1nshn: homecooked…. PORK
[20:30] Mrngs1nshn: something not smothered in greese
[20:30] Mrngs1nshn: grease*
[20:31] lil79red: well we haven’t had any pork smothered in grease or anything else for that matter. burger patties smothered in gravy maybe.
[20:31] Mrngs1nshn: all of the food is smothered in grease and pepper, and its’ disgusting
[20:31] Mrngs1nshn: i want something not greasy
[20:31] lil79red: pepper. mmm
[20:32] Mrngs1nshn: lol
[20:32] lil79red: potatoes smothered in cheese also. i guess
[20:32] Mrngs1nshn: i miss that
[20:33] lil79red: how long will you be around for the christmas break?
[20:33] Mrngs1nshn: i get about the same amount of time they do for break
[20:34] Mrngs1nshn: they may actually get a couple of days more
[20:34] lil79red: about a week and a half
[20:34] Mrngs1nshn: yup
[20:34] lil79red: you going to be around this area that long
[20:34] Mrngs1nshn: i don’t really think i wanna go back lol
[20:35] Mrngs1nshn: back here i mean
[20:35] lil79red: stockton to clever to here. sure you will. just takes time to adjust
[20:36] Mrngs1nshn: yeah i won’t stay in clever overnight
[20:36] Mrngs1nshn: nowhere to stay
[20:39] Mrngs1nshn: i’m trying to figure out where to stay for christmas eve, cuz i like waking up on christmas morning with everyone
[20:39] Mrngs1nshn: can’t sleep on the couch, cuz that’s where presents go
[20:40] lil79red: there is a couple of months to figure that out
[20:40] Mrngs1nshn: yeah i know… you guys should think on that too
[20:41] lil79red: maybe i can have the kitchen table cleaned off and you can stay there
[20:41] Mrngs1nshn: lol
[20:41] lil79red: he he he
[20:41] Mrngs1nshn: ur mean
[20:42] lil79red: don’t you know it. really i sooo sweet
[20:42] Mrngs1nshn: if Gabby would clean her room, i might sleep on her bed
[20:43] Mrngs1nshn: lol uh huh
[20:43] lil79red: same as michaela
[20:43] Mrngs1nshn: no mick’s sweeter
[20:44] Mrngs1nshn: lol does mick’s room still smell like naughty kitty
[20:44] lil79red: she said she would try to. not as bad as it did.
[20:45] Mrngs1nshn: hmm may sleep in Gabby’s… i like waking up with them before you guys
[20:45] lil79red: ok ok
[20:46] Mrngs1nshn: ok ok???
[20:46] lil79red: waking up before us
[20:46] Mrngs1nshn: it’s fun; then we go and wake you up at 6 lol
[20:47] lil79red: the clocks may get reset mysteriously
[20:47] Mrngs1nshn: lol
[20:48] Mrngs1nshn: i’ll just wake you up as soon as the sun comes up
[20:49] Mrngs1nshn: ol?
[20:49] lil79red: december 25 is supposed to be cloudy with dense fog
[20:49] Mrngs1nshn: when it’s not dark anymore, i wake you up so ha!
[20:49] Mrngs1nshn: ahh… i miss you guys… i really do
[20:49] Mrngs1nshn: i miss home
[20:49] lil79red: no sign of sun that day
[20:49] Mrngs1nshn: whatever
[20:49] Mrngs1nshn: you watch me
[20:50] lil79red: i bet you do miss home. just get a good ed to go somewhere in life.
[20:50] Mrngs1nshn: plan to… did mom tell you i switched my major?
[20:51] lil79red: to music i think
[20:51] lil79red: or english
[20:51] Mrngs1nshn: from music to english
[20:52] lil79red: should have been to french. paris they say is nice
[20:52] Mrngs1nshn: lol wow. i don’t like being a foreigner
[20:52] Mrngs1nshn: lol
[20:53] lil79red: lots of cute guys there
[20:53] Mrngs1nshn: lol i like Joe
[20:54] lil79red: is he a nebraskan?
[20:54] Mrngs1nshn: from all over the place; even arkansas
[20:55] Mrngs1nshn: but mainly a place called Gothenburg, NE
[20:55] Mrngs1nshn: mom left kevin’s 20 min ago
[20:56] lil79red: left or said she was leaving
[20:56] Mrngs1nshn: or about 15 min ago… left
[20:57] lil79red: usually takes about 30 minutes or more to go out the door. i think it is one long door
[20:57] Mrngs1nshn: lol she talks lol… actually left though
[21:00] Mrngs1nshn: you know something?
[21:01] lil79red: i didn’t go to college. so i guess i don’t know too much. lol.
[21:02] lil79red: what do you mean
[21:02] Mrngs1nshn: lol… i still think of you as my main father figure and the man who helped mommy raise me to be good
[21:03] lil79red: ok what do you want?
[21:03] lil79red: i feel a suck up coming on
[21:03] Mrngs1nshn: no… i really mean it… i don’t want anything… just wanted to tell you that
[21:04] Mrngs1nshn: wish i could huggy you lol
[21:05] lil79red: i appreciate that. i know i can be hard to get along with. it just that being sweet doesn’t seem to work on getting people to listen all the time and i just get in a rut and start being that way all the time
[21:05] Mrngs1nshn: what sweet or mean?
[21:06] Mrngs1nshn: you can be really sweet one minute and then kinda mean the next…. i think that’s why we started to not get along
[21:06] lil79red: mean it seems like
[21:06] Mrngs1nshn: yeah… but i know that don’t mean you don’t love me
[21:07] lil79red: i wish there were do overs in life sometimes
[21:07] Mrngs1nshn: don’t we all? but maybe because of you, i matured
[21:09] lil79red: seems like you have a lot.
[21:09] Mrngs1nshn: yeah… i have. i’ve been through a lot though. and cuz of you, i don’t play flute lol
[21:09] Mrngs1nshn: but i have to say, you are doing a lot better with the girls
[21:10] lil79red: ty
[21:10] Mrngs1nshn: you are quite welcome. you know, i do love you… you were great… when you weren’t mean lol j/k
[21:11] lil79red: i know what you are saying. ditto
[21:11] Mrngs1nshn: aww
[21:11] Mrngs1nshn: yay
[21:11] Mrngs1nshn: i miss you… i really do..
[21:12] lil79red: sure. you just are missing the food. aren’t you
[21:12] Mrngs1nshn: yep!
[21:12] lil79red: thought so
[21:12] Mrngs1nshn: lol but i’m glad i got that off of my chest… really.
[21:12] lil79red: i’m old but not stupid
[21:13] Mrngs1nshn: what do you mean by that?
[21:13] lil79red: about just missing the food
[21:14] Mrngs1nshn: oh yeah no im really homesick, but it’s not just the food.. i mean, i even miss rick bleh 
[21:15] Mrngs1nshn: you just don’t do mushy moments lol
[21:15] lil79red: remember that there is only one thing in life you can really count on and that is your family. good or bad they will really stick up for you. even ricky
[21:16] lil79red: believe it or not
[21:16] Mrngs1nshn: cool. i know you’ll be there when i really need you
[21:16] lil79red: i’ll try.
[21:16] lil79red: really\
[21:16] Mrngs1nshn: i know.
[21:18] lil79red: how are studies doing
[21:18] Mrngs1nshn: good after switching majors and dropping classes
[21:19] Mrngs1nshn: have one more to drop; found out that i have to pay after a while anyway
[21:19] lil79red: what classes do you have now
[21:20] Mrngs1nshn: college comp, theology of church & mission, old testament survey, band
[21:21] lil79red: you have them every day
[21:22] Mrngs1nshn: comp on Mon and Wed, band on Thurs, the other two on Tues and Thurs
[21:22] lil79red: nothing on friday?
[21:23] Mrngs1nshn: umm… Freshman Seminar and whatever else goes on Fridays
[21:23] Mrngs1nshn: like Old Testament test
[21:24] lil79red: sounds like a challenge in the least
[21:24] Mrngs1nshn: can be.. hate history and geography and it combines both
[21:25] lil79red: i never liked history either. it was boring to me
[21:25] Mrngs1nshn: i hate it, but i’m ok at it
[21:25] lil79red: geography was neat to see where places were
[21:26] Mrngs1nshn: yeah but i’m geographically challenged lol
[21:26] Mrngs1nshn: still like the class
[21:26] Mrngs1nshn: all it is is taking notes
[21:28] lil79red: notes may come in handy later
[21:28] lil79red: junebug is comong up the drive
[21:28] lil79red: coming
[21:28] Mrngs1nshn: yeah i really like taking biblical classes… should help me in my faith… ok least it’s not 11
[21:29] lil79red: for a change
[21:29] Mrngs1nshn: lol i know
[21:29] Mrngs1nshn: irks me too
[21:29] Mrngs1nshn: you know? i’m really happy with Joe… we’re doing things so much different than your average relationship
[21:30] lil79red: good. i hope
[21:30] Mrngs1nshn: we’re trying to put God first
[21:30] lil79red: work hard at it. that is the best way
[21:31] Mrngs1nshn: we are.
[21:32] Mrngs1nshn: i’m going to his home for thanksgiving
[21:33] lil79red: mom is being nurse now
[21:33] Mrngs1nshn: ?
[21:33] Mrngs1nshn: oh ok
[21:33] Mrngs1nshn: for mick?
[21:33] lil79red: yea
[21:33] Mrngs1nshn: aww that’s mommy!!!
[21:34] Mrngs1nshn: how is everything with you two anyway???
[21:34] lil79red: fine i suppose
[21:34] Mrngs1nshn: you suppose???
[21:35] Mrngs1nshn: sorry… i may have stepped over a line
[21:35] lil79red: makes people wander when i put it that way.
[21:37] lil79red: no just checking i hope
[21:38] Mrngs1nshn: yeah just checking… and yeah it does make one wonder lol
[21:38] Mrngs1nshn: makes you sound kinda depressed, really… like it’s not really that great
[21:41] Mrngs1nshn: well, it was really great talking to you… and actually having a decent conversation lol… but i probly ought to get and finish my homework
[21:43] lil79red: keep the home work caught up and the grades up also. good chatting with you also.
[21:43] Mrngs1nshn: i will try
[21:43] Mrngs1nshn: love you all (including you hee hee) have a great night, and i will try to chat with you another time. miss ya
[21:44] lil79red: have a good evening
[21:44] Mrngs1nshn: you too. night
Session Close (lil79red): Sun Sep 21 21:46:01 2008
Session Start (mrngs1nshn:lil79red): Sun Sep 21 21:46:13 2008
You Know You Care When…
Sep 21-08
You know you care about somebody when they scare you, but you want to pull them in closer to you.
You know you care when things could happen to weaken you, yet you stay strong.
You know you care about each other when one is strong when the other is weak and vice versa.
You know you care when you don’t care… about money, about the car, about weight, about height, about whether or not it’s “what you’ve always wanted.”
You know you care when you’re not sure why you care, yet you care anyway.
You know you care when you decide to put God first above all else.
You know you care when you want to curl up beside them and protect them from the world, even if you’re not sure why.
You know you care when you want to hold on tight to every possibility of love.
You know you care when you’re willing to do anything for the one you care about.
[most likely to be continued.. please feel free to add more.]
The Z Wolf.
Update:
Hmm… where was I last? Oh well, I’ll update what I don’t know if I said or not.
I know I didn’t say the project I’ve been working on. Umm… it’s a non-fiction book that will hopefully speak to teens. It’s called Abstinence From The Eyes Of A Slut. I’ve got it on WEbook.
We’re watching a movie (Joe and I) that goes with our D&D campaign so bad I want to make a movie based off of the campaign. It would probably be a lot of improv and boffing, but hey, it would still be fun. We just need costumes and the set… Hmm… Any directors out there looking for something new? We can’t afford you, but it would be fun. We don’t need screenwriters, since we’re writers here and drama people as well. We can find other people to act with us. Just a thought… Nobody reads these anyway.
Joe is kinda weird, but I love him anyway. At least, I think I do. Hard to tell sometimes. lol.
I need to get better when it comes to school. I just don’t care about it, even though it costs a ton of money. I just need to crack down on myself, and if that means now being around Joe as much, fine.
Well, the friends are here, so I’m takin off. C ya’al.
The Z Wolf.
I Hate Being A Freshman
Sep 03-08
“You never know how little you know until you get into college.” ~Me
So, this is my littel spheal about hating college… Classes have been running for about 2 weeks now, and I’m still shot… I have no idea how college works, and there’s not a manual [that I would read anyway] that shows what is expected. They expect you to just know!! How was I supposed to know that they weren’t going to remind us what was on the syllabus?? We are responsible for knowing what is due when… And I HATE it!!! They don’t let you transition any at all… High school is easy, and college is way difficult… WHY????? Did I just pick the wrong college or something? Everybody else seems to be doing fine. Do I have a learning problem? My brain feels like it’s completely fried, and I have no idea what’s going on. People will want to blame it all on Joe, but I felt like this before I had a single friend. I don’t know what’s going on… It’s like a piece of my brain is gone… Maybe I should just go to my teachers, and be like “yeah, i’m slightly learning disabled… didn’t know this til college”??? Yeah… that probly wouldn’t go over so well. I mean, I don’t go to bed til midnight, and I have my alarm set at 6:30, but I take naps. Could that be why? No.. Even in HS I was tired and still was able to learn.. I’m just so lost…..
The Z Wolf.
Umm… Wow I Can’t Think Up A Title…
Sep 02-08
So, life is going pretty good… I’m scared that my boyfriend and I are spending too much time together and that things will fizzle out way too soon, but I don’t want to not hang out with him. He is such a good conversationalist, and I swear he is what I need right now. He is sooo encouraging in both life and hobbies (and school bleh). He holds me when I need it and tells me he loves me and just makes me feel pretty darn good. He’s honest with me… I can’t see myself ever cheating on him like I’ve done in the past. I want this relationship to be different, but I’m so scared that it won’t be. I’ve screwed some things up in the past, and I don’t want to hurt him… I know I will, but I don’t want to.
I’m getting back to writing poetry… which is good. It helps that Joe is a poet as well… and so is half of the group lol.
Will update later. Bed time.
The Z Wolf.
