Mondays Are More My Days

Today is Friday; it’s supposed to be a good day. Or maybe Saturdays are supposed to be good days; idk… but everyone says Thank God It’s Friday! I think I will stay crouched in my little hidden cave away from the world (including nature).

For starters, I haven’t been able to type very well today. My husband was late getting out of the house to work. I got two phone calls from Alegent After Hours about them having the wrong address for me. I know they are just wanting the money I can’t pay them. I decided to ride my bike to go get the mail and managed to hit my brakes too hard and almost fall off my bike, skinning myself beside the knee (it burns) right in front of one of the “biker brigade” kids. >< Yup. Today has just been one of those days. And then when I parked it in the shed, I ran the rear tire over my toes

I think I'm just going to hide the rest of the day.

I Give Up, Dad

To those who do not have a father and have never known their father… You are kinda lucky.  You don’t know what you’re missing.  For all you know, the dad you could have had could’ve been an angry, abusive drunk, thus making your life worse than mine and so many others out there.  He could’ve raped you every night since you were five.  Or he could be like my dad and care less about you.

For years, I strove for my fathers approval.  I walked on eggshells hoping to not get into trouble.  Still, I was constantly getting screamed at, threatened.  I could do no right.  He did things with my brother the every other weekend we went over, and it became an annoying and quite boring routine.  I was still very young when I told my mother that the weekend would consist of Dad going somewhere with my brother and me going shopping with my step-mother.  It would also consist of me getting into trouble.  Every other weekend it was the exact same thing.

And then of course, he pissed me off by having an affair and going to her place after two years of it.  Suddenly, every other weekend had changed, and another woman was involved… her and her daughter.  Now, I liked her daughter… I could stil probably get along with her now… if she wasn’t always taking his side.

But why shouldn’t she?  He spoils her, loves her, treats her like his own… Something he never did with me.  Sure, there were a couple of times that perked my ears up in hope, but that only lasted a day.  And then it was over.

Things happened that I’m pretty sure are in previous posts… though I may have deleted it.. that caused me to just give up on him almost completely.  Joe and I decided to get married early and we both decided not to have him there.  We plan on having a ceremony later in which I was planning on inviting him…

Anyway, I found out that he had come to town without even bothering to let me know (when I had asked him to bring my bike up, he didn’t want to waste his gas).  So when I confronted him about it, I got no response.  Unfortunately I don’t have the courage to ask him over the phone, so YIM will have to suffice.  Except that I don’t know when someone is busy and that’s why they are only on messenger for only 5 minutes… except if you’re busy… why get on in the first place?

I just don’t know if I can take any more of this.  So for now, I give up.  If he wants a relationship for real, he can come to me.  He needs to grow up.

Work

Today was the first day of training, and it went OK.. seems simple enough, ya know? Except that right now I’m pretty sure I’m on the hardest part lol… finding people to practice on… It is paid training, which is cool, with full paid commission even when I’m not doing the show or only doing part of it. I’m thinking it’s not too bad of a deal once I get started. It is a legit company and I made two new friends today… Can’t wait to start getting paid so I can buy new business outfits… Lord knows I need them. Have to learn how to keep track of spendings and stuff… Gas logs, client logs, food logs, clothes logs… that kind of stuff lol. Need a thing to put receipts in too… Yeah I guess I’m kinda putting a grocery list on wordpress but I guess it works, right? Ooh, I can get so much stuff… but I need to not spend.. Get the bare necessities and not get carried away… I cannot become a spender.

Thank you Lord for providing.